The definition of Uptoia, from xkcd.com:

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Time falls back tonight, which is great. What's not great is I am supposed to be watching my aunt's dogs this weekend. How do I explain to them that they have to go an extra hour between their scheduled trips outside?

Even dogs hate time change.

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CAESAR
(gloating to soothsayer)
The ides of March are come.

SOOTHSAYER
(speaking truth to power)
Ay, Caesar; but not gone.

CAESAR
Well, I'm Caesar, and I say they are. Effective immediately, we're seasonally adjusting all the sundials forward one hour! Goodbye, Ides of March. Hello, Seventeenth Kalends of March!

BRUTUS
What a huge improvement you've made, boss! Now I can enjoy an extra hour of gladiator fights at the Circus Maximus after work. You're not such a terrible tyrant after all! (sheaths his knife) Hooray!

SOOTHSAYER
This play sucks.

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I'm pretty sure Daylight Savings Time was invented just to make my life worse for a few days each spring and fall.

Screw Hitler. If I could travel back in time to kill just one person, it'd be the dick who convinced the government that it was a good idea to keep changing the clocks back and forth each year.

Yes, I know I bitch about this every year. But I'm gonna keep bitching about it every year so long as someone thinks its funny to keep fucking with my alarm clock.

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"I have a great idea. Let's turn all the clocks ahead one hour!"

"Why would we do that?"

"Because then we'd have an extra hour of daylight in the evenings. We could call it 'daylight savings' time!"

"That's ridiculous. There's no 'extra' time, and we wouldn't be 'saving' anything. We'd be stealing it from the morning."

"Who gives a shit about mornings?"

"Oh, I don't know. Farmers? Bakers? Fisherman? Cooks? Teachers? Students? Delivery Men? Construction workers? Commuters? Just about everyone, I guess."

"Fuck them. I want to play golf for an extra hour before bed."

"Ha, ha. Great point. Let's do it!"

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Back in the 90s, I used to have migraine headaches. Throbbing pain in my temples, sensitivity to light, loss of vision, nausea, numbness in my hands... good times. They came and went, but I'd been fortunate enough to avoid them for the past decade (since I "coincidentally" left my day job). However, this week, they're back.

Why am I having migraine headaches now all of a sudden? WebMd.com suggests that it could what I'm eating, or what I'm not eating. It could be exercise or lack of exercise. It could be drinking caffeine or not drinking enough caffeine.

Obviously, WebMD has no idea.

I like to pretend that I'm a hypochondriac and blame the most far-fetched and deadly things I can think of for my ailments. I've already blamed these headaches on brain tumors, meningitis, or a stroke, but I don't really think those are the culprits. Personally, I'm blaming Daylight Savings Time.

In the past, lack of sleep has been a trigger for me, and I think it may be this time as well. On Sunday, the time change stole an hour of my precious sleep and threw my entire schedule out of whack. It may be saving time, but it's damaging my health.

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Even Superboy hates Daylight Savings Time.

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I'm betting that you are probably reading this one hour later than usual. The question of the day is how long will it take before some Tea-Bagger accuses President Obama and his Socialist Regime of stealing an hour from us, the early-rising, hard-working proletariat, to give to the undeserving, artificially-illuminated bourgeoisie? Now the government isn't just stealing our money, it's also stealing our time!

Now if you'll excuse me, it seems I've got a stolen hour of sleep to catch up on.

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